Freedom of Speech? Or Duty to Shut Up?

I hate the term freedom of speech.  It is usually harrumphed rather than spoken, the Get Out of Jail Free card for Bigots R Us.  People get to be abusive, unpleasant and offensive and then claim their freedom of speech, as if they live in a bubble rather than a collective society where all our actions have potential reactions.  It is used to defend rape threats made against women like Caroline Criado Perez, or bile against equal marriage.  This is my test for those who champion unfettered free speech.  If you are prepared for an aggressive stranger to go up to your mother, daughter or sister and tell her she needs raping with a broken bottle and your sole reaction would be to shrug and say that was their freedom of speech, then fine.  This is my alternative to freedom of speech: a charter of responsibilities.  Because individual rights are a feature of a capitalist society, a sweet handed out to a child to make her forget that someone took over the chocolate factory.  Responsibilities are about power.

The Responsibility to Speak Out

On a train the other day a drunken idiot swore loudly at anyone looking at him and offered to spray semen all over the face of the woman opposite.  Everyone looked away.  I tried to - I was tired after a long day.  But after the semen comment I looked in disgust at him and as he opened his mouth, I interrupted to tell him what an odious human being he was.  We both stood up to get off the train at the same stop.  He obviously thought I'd be intimidated at standing next to him.  He thought wrong.  He told me I was doing his head in and to stop.  So I didn't. Because sometimes people really do ask for it.  When schoolgirls are abused for wearing headscarves, or gay couples harangued for holding hands, we all have a duty to speak up.

The Responsibility to Claim Distress only when it's genuine.

Folk of Twitter, I'm talking to you.  There's a lot of upset on Twitter, most of it genuine and nothing is better than a righteous Twitter anger, raging against the powerful, the racist, the homophobic, misogyny or malign idiocy.  But there are people who are only happy when they are upset, when it means they have proved an opponent not only wrong, but harmful and evil.  I won't even go into the endless civil war between radical and intersectional feminism, where one side accuses the other of being responsible for the murder of either trans-women or women.  Some time ago, one of my favourite online writers Steven Baxter responded to the call of Nadine Dorries for sex ed lessons by tweeting that sex ed lessons should consist of being told how to put a condom on Nadine Dorries head.  Mildly funny and retweeted.  As it came to the attention of another gang of right wing, catholic women, a Twitchfork mob set off on their iPhone horses to attack him for wishing a violent pornographic death on a woman for daring to have an opinion.  Yes, really.  I witnessed this and politely suggested they might be overreacting.  Hooves screech in Twitter dust and the mob comes towards me.  How dare I disagree, and what's more I clearly have a limited vocabulary.  (It seems this really was the worst insult they could throw).  I'm all for attacking those who genuinely wish violent pornographic deaths on women, but Steven Baxter at the time was a gentle, left of centre New Statesman blogger who wrote about the vile crassness of the Daily Fail, depression and biscuits. Some emotions are beyond our control, shock, fear of imminent attack or rage.  Others are sometimes manufactured, so that playground bullies can round up their mates to give the shy kid a good kicking.  

The Responsibility to Shut Up

Given that my last post was about not shutting up because a Twitter Troll thinks I should, when, if any, is the right time to shut up?  

1. When someone else who hasn't spoken is speaking and you disagree. Unless you have goldfish memory (in which case write things down) what you want to say will wait and it might be that if you don't interrupt you might learn something.  Actually try listening to people rather than rehearsing your next argument.  

2. When you have nothing nice to say.  Exceptions to this are: Any member of the Government.  Actually any Tory.  Anyone who is beyond your hearing, such as a sportsperson or person on the TV.  Even in those circumstances, if your sole contribution to public debate is that she has a really fat arse and no one would shag her, you definitely should zip it.  

3. When you are targeting someone and they have no interest.  

4. When a woman, black person, gay person, disabled person is telling you what it's like to be a woman, black, gay, disabled and you want to tell them they're wrong.  

We all think we know what's best or the right answer.  The trouble is, we can't always be right.  Taking the time to keep quiet, to listen may mean that when you do speak out, it matters and others listen.